Persuasive+Writing

__ 1)GEORGE WILLS IS A TANK? __

George Wills has started a false argument where he thinks he is a tank. But from my view he is in way over his head. George is a normal 12 year old kid who isn’t a tank. He thinks he is but I completely disagree with that statement. Although he may be a bit bigger and stronger than other kids his age but that doesn’t mean he is a tank. He probably thinks he could waste most people in a fight but I barley doubt it. I don’t even think he has muscles. You can’t even call those small pipis muscles. They look like they are little shrivelled up nuts. There are a lot of actually tanks with muscles in my class and George would never be tanked and ripped like them. So from my point of view he is a young kid that thinks he is a tank but he would never be a tank. So if you think George Wills is a tank you are sorrily mistaken and you need help. __Reflection: Im not quite happy with this sample of persusive writing because I can work to a higher standard and I could put more structure in and support my main ideas more.__ __ 1) SKI TRIP LETTER TO PARENTS: __

To whom it may concern… My class are arranging a fun, exciting and worthwhile class experience up at the snow and I was wondering if you my dear parents who I love you so much could let me go. I have been looking forward to this ski trip since I heard about it. Just imagine how much fun I would have in the snow playing with my friends and my spade. And I would really appreciate it if you my lovely parents would please let me go on this exciting class experience. The skills and learning experiences will include relating to others by organising the trip and we will also learn to manage ourselves better by doing what we should be doing and looking after ourselves and duties. We will learn to be more responsible by having our own jobs to do and completing them. We will also be more responsible by organising it by ourselves. If I go to this ski trip it would be amazing. I would really like it if you could let me go because I learn a lot and I will have a lot of fun. If you let me go I will be really good. Your trust is our future Yours sincerely, Eli Karlsson and Kiko Rodriguez

3) **__ Usain Bolt is the best  __**  **__  sprinter EVER!!!  __**  ** Usain Bolt … what an athlete. He is currently the world’s fastest man and has recently won 3 gold medals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics in China. He is the Jamaicans lightning bolt. **  ** I’m going to tell you a bit about why I think Usain Bolt is the faster sprinter ever. **  ** Bolt, who signed his first professional contract at age 17, and is nicknamed "Lightning Bolt." **  ** Bolt has been running since age 10, when he was in primary school, and was a fast cricket bowler when he was younger, but no longer plays the sport. **   ** Bolt is really tank and has very big legs which allow him to take longer steps which make him to go faster. He has a really big build and is a towering six foot five. He is at the age of twenty two and was born in Trelawny in Jamaica. **  ** He ran in three events at the Olympics and came away with a gold medal in each one of them. **** Bolt holds the [|Olympic] and world records for the [|one hundred meters] at nine point six nine seconds, the [|two hundred meters] at nineteen point thirty seconds and, along with his teammates, the [|four by one hundred meters relay] at thirty seven point ten seconds, all set at the [|2008 Summer Olympics]. ** ** Bolt became the first man to win all three events at a single Olympics since [|Carl Lewis] in 1984, and the first man in history to set world records in all three at an Olympics. ** ** In his career so far he has won gold at the one hundred meter sprints, **** the two hundred meter sprint and the four times one hundred meter team relay race at the 2008 Beijing Olympics in China. In 2007 he came second in the World Championship in the two hundred meter sprint race and second in the four times one hundred meter team relay. In 2003 he came first in the two hundred meter sprint at the World Youth Championship. In 2002 he got first in the individual two hundred meter sprints and second in the four times one hundred meter team relay. He also came second in the four times four hundred meter team relay. **  ** He is not only the fastest man in the in the world he is also the cockiest man in the world. In his first one hundred meter heat at the 2008 Olympics he was wasting everyone so when he got to the eighty meter mark he slowed down so he was nearly jogging and he slapped his chest and showed off to the cloud. Whenever he wins a race he does a cool pose. ** ** His name and achievements in sprinting have earned him the media nickname Lightning Bolt and f **** or a twenty two year old with a massive height of six foot five he sure does have a massive career lined up for him. I can’t wait to see him at the next Olympics at London England in 2012 **** !!! **** That’s why I think Usain Bolt is the best sprinter to ever live!!! ** **__  The End By Eli. K __**

__Goal: In my next writing sample I need to structure my points alot more and try to persuade them alot more as well.

Parent comment: Eli has put in a good effort but he is able to work at a much higher quality.

Teacher Comment:__ As you have learnt more about persuasive techniques your writing has improved, particularly if you compare your first sample to your last. In your paragraphs you have begun to develop and explain your ideas, making connections between the idea and how this contriutes back to your main point. Your final piece of writing though does lack flow. An example of this is how the start of your writing is quite disjointed. The main point you are trying to convey is that he is 'the fastest sprinter ever' but there are no comparisons to any others except Carl Lewis who has done exactly the same thing in regards to medals. Overall though, you have made improvement from the start ot the finish. I look forward to you making more connections to the main ideas in your speech.


 * You also need to put your self reflection rubric under this which should be in here!!!**